[True Life] I've Been Glutened

How It Happens: The Common Set Up

I had a full day. Early morning rising for a moving time at church in one city, followed by a quick break and touch base with a friend in the early afternoon, then an hour plus commute to another city. Next up: a work session for an hour trailed by yoga for two hours in another city (that's three cities folks!), topped off with another work session for three hours. Blah, blah, blah....

You know the story. Your appetite is sandwiched between obligations and the things you want to do and, then suddenly, it occurs to you: You are raging hungry. The type of hungry that makes you want to eat anything. But, of course, you are gluten free and, with all of your moving and shaking, you forgot to pack food for such a moment. (Can we say #EPICFAIL?)

The Moment We Dread: 'I've Been Glutened'

I found myself at exactly such a point at 6:15pm that evening, when my soul and yoga-battered body cried out for sustenance. So, I hopped over to one of my favorite Brooklyn corner stores The Market Place in search for a gluten free fix. My usual go to meal was not there, so I settled for an Amy's Gluten Free, Dairy-Free, Vegetable Lasagna. It was a first for me- I usually turn my nose up to microwaveable foods #confessionsofafoodsnob- but remember: I am raging with a hunger so fierce that I am ready to eat your face if it looks delicious and edible (#sorry). In my haste, I break the Cardinal Celiac Rule (READ ALL THE FINE PRINT) and devour the dish. Had I followed proper Celiac procedures I would have seen this wonderful message on the back of the Amy's package: This product is processed on equipment that also processes wheat. My body waits hardly 1.5 minutes after the meal to punish me for my oversight.

Let the Games Begin: Symptoms of Being Glutened

Being glutened for me feels like an alien has entered and occupied my body and, once inside, sapped all of my energy. Sounds crazy? Let me break it down for you.

Most of my symptoms are of the gastrointestinal sort. I feel abdominal pains ranging from aches to sharp pangs, fatulate a great deal (we're all friends here), become painfully bloated, feel nauseous and, above all, feel transported to a world of indescribable fatigue and brain fog.

While the symptoms of being glutened vary a great deal in those gluten intolerant, one thing is clear: the symptoms can knock you off your pretty little feet, as they did to me, for several days. Plainly put, it sucks.

How to Deal with Being Glutened